Select: **Potty Flash** Potty's Style Guide

**Potty Flash**

04/00 - He's Back!

Apart from some minor crashes, our friend Potty has managed to stay on his bike! .... Until a recent ride in the peaks where he managed a spectacular crash! I will leave him to describe the event in his own words.

It was on a track from the bottom of Rushup Edge (just above the turn to Roych Clough) down into Edale. It was a good downhill track, with patches of badly eroded tarmac. I don't remember exactly what happened, but somehow I got thrown forward onto the bars and then hit the ground with my face at high speed. As I slid along, I was thinking "this will wear a hole in my face". Dive dragged the bike off me, and I started feeling my face, which was miraculously just a bit scraped. Then my attention went to my knees, which were well abraded. I started going a bit woozy with shock, so Sean got out some antiseptic wipes.

No one (me included) seemed in any hurry to do the wiping, so I did it, with directions from the others. In the back of my mind I was amused at the fact that the rufty-tufty bikers didn't want to go touching another MAN (UGH). I noticed my left hand was a little sore, and discovered a bump below my little finger. I was told it couldn't be broken, 'cos I could still move my fingers OK. My bars were rather bent, but after I'd had some food, I was able to ride, with my left arm stretched out and my right bent.

After a few minutes, I stopped noticing the bend. I was very unhappy about trusting my weight to the bars, and didn't like the idea of coming off again if they gave way, but we still had 9 miles to go, so I just pedalled slowly (but still faster than Dive on the climbs). Paul's mad route, having already brought us UP Roych Clough, now took us up Jacob's ladder, which is a tedious push. I expect the others enjoyed the downhill to Hayfield on the other side, but my hand gradually got more painful, so I couldn't work the brake (thank goodness for my front Hope disc), and I just trickled down carefully. When I took off my glove, my hand had swollen unpleasantly.

At work the following day people persuaded me to go to casualty, and the Xray shows a definite break. The consultant will tell me tomorrow how long I need the plaster on :-(

If you look at the picture above, you will see Potty's face (post crash) which doesn't look too badly injured. You will notice that the Poster has a HUGE hooter - what I want to know is how did he avoid injuring that?!

11/98

Due to phenomenal demand, here is the ***POTTYFLASH*** The potster has been at a low ebb for the last few months due to a painful shoulder and the local authority's decision to make him pay and display each time he slides face first into their car parks. It doesn't matter that he manages to guide bike and body perfectly into available spaces by varying the amount of skin loss on entry, they seem intent on stopping his crazy antics. He's so crazy, we love him! If you've got a problem and no-one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you could hire THE POTSTER.

***POTTYEXTRA***POTTYEXTRA***POTTYEXTRA*** In an amazing development, the Flesh powered V-Brake has managed to crash heavily just yards away from a gate leading to a road which, yes you've guessed it, led to the car park! Not happy that his body was healing too quickly, he managed to tear a muscle in his upper arm, which safe to say, Nigel could not live without! Dead head, Dead arm, and Dead chances of riding his bike until after Christmas, Merry Xmas Pottylad!

09/98

We interrupt this newsletter to bring you a POTTYFLASH. In an exciting update from last months potty crash story, the human brake pad has been at it again. On a rainy Sunday ride in Swaledale, the Potster decided that everyone should stop having fun and spend the remainder of the day in casualty, so in the absence of a local car park, he chose a suitable spot on the bridleway and crashed his minute, tinsy winsy brains out! The resultant broken collarbone will be mended before you even notice that Pottyman hasn't been diving headfirst into a car park near you, for a while. 'Heal up soon Simon!'

07/98

Potty our horrible (should that be honourable) treasurer has been face planting into car parks all over the country, but it isn't the broken nose, reduced forehead skin (I said forehead!) or seeping chin that is keeping him off his bike. No, it's his busty physiotherapist who likes to keep him indoors on a Sunday to rub him up and down to get rid of his fluid build up! So apologies from him for the lack of obscure rides in unheard of places (or Yorkshire) but he is out of action for the duration of this programme.

Potty's Style Guide

There's a chap in the club that dresses... well, err shit!! We have been attempting to change his MTB clothing cause its a great embarrassment to all who know him...! We have had some limited success as the before and after pictures below show.

I've always paid particular attention to how I present myself to the world. I don't know why it has taken so long for someone to ask me to spell out my personal expression of style, but here it is:

Head

Starting at the top, the helmet. Well, I don't know how you can have any real appreciation of danger or excitement with one of these new fangled helmets. Surely the possibility of having your skull caved in at any moment keeps the adrenaline flowing on even the mildest of rides? I would recommend an actual potty, perhaps with the handle filed off, and held on with an aerolastic, but if one is not readily available, a local charity shop should be able to oblige you with a sturdy second hand helmet, preferably white, which will at least look the part. Scratches can be removed with metal polish, and any deeper gouges can be made good with Polyfilla.

Eyes

Eye wear - forget "trendy", overpriced modern rubbish, a pair of Reactolite sun specs will do for all year riding day or night.

Clothes

Base layer - a colourful T shirt will absorb the sweat nicely, and can be turned inside out for after-ride wear. Mid layer - any old sweatshirt you have lying around will do, or perhaps a cardigan that has seen better days - after all, it's only going to get covered in mud.

Shell layer - ask your landlady or Granny if you can use that nice orange kagoul hanging on the back door.

Legs - never mind the weather - shorts are "de rigeur" - how else can you show off your fine collection of scars and scabs ? Shins - despite the above, a stout pair of shin pads will protect you from the worst of your frequent impacts with the ground - if you ride like I do.

Feet - brightly coloured socks will bring your personality into focus, try my favourite - one pink, one green for a harmonious fashion statement, and complete the ensemble with an old pair of walking boots - nothing fancy, they're going to be full of stinking muddy water in no time anyway!

Hands

Gloves - take an old pair of woolly gloves and cut off the fingers. Blanket stitching the cut edges will forestall fraying.

Before	After

The Saracen Bloke Bears A Striking Resemblence Don't You Think?

Some years later...